I used a payday loan for fringe. fuck.



I’ve never taken work to fringe so I know shit all about shit all of the fringe experience. This will be my first time and like sex, I hope its gentle and considerate and not too fucking fast. But LOL that's not going to happen is it? What is happening is good ol’ sexy crippling capitalism.

I’ve been seeing some really transparent n helpful threads and blogs from seasoned artists on the failures of the fringe recently. Their transparency on debt,  labour, audiences and toxicity around fringe has been helpful for me. But im sad and scared, scared because most (not all) are established artists that have (earned) a lot of clout; press attention, awards, multiple national venue support, bursaries AND within a company framework which allows for labour to be distributed,  All this and still these artists are S-T-ruggling in this context. 

I feel sick. for them and then for me because I’m not them!!

I’m relatively unknown and I've been sending press interest emails from Becky my made up PR person at info@deminandhra.com

I haven’t but you know what I mean, my resources and spotlight is low.

So what can i do to make me feel better? absolutely nothing but i can be transparent like my peers and publicise my experience. it may add a little wave to the other waves trying to shift the current fringe culture or could just be helpful for me to vent. either is great.   


  1. You need to understand my context, I am a freelance artist, I am not in part time or full time contract or role with any organisation or structured company that gives a salary or monthly wage. I get money when my invoices are paid. I am neurodivergent and get ill often. I can’t work when im ill. I'm currently in a good spell and have worked consequently since Feb of this year.  What I mean by work is small days 11-4pm/ 3-4days a week. In this good spell i still have been ill but at shorter spurts (2-3days every few weeks)

  2. I wanted to do fringe because I'm more likely to get local and national venues to see my work than any other time and maybe international interest. We all know the lucrative opportunities that fringe can offer.

  3. I didn’t have any cash flow to pay for registration costs. who the fuck does as an artist? 

  4. I got a payday loan to pay for my fringe registration fee and venue guarantee which was  £2398.

  5. that was stupid but a payday loan was my only option to stay in the fringe ‘game’ 

  6. I was selected by Summerhall after an application process. I wrote in my application; “I think it is absolutely vital to have more and more neurodiverse artists at the fringe forging new and gentle ways to engage with audiences, programmers and media at the fringe”   Gentle? I'm doing 3 consecutive weeks!!

  7. I have never done longer than a 3 day run. I make work about mental illness and trauma which most of time comes from the autobiographical. So doing 3 weeks of back to back shows talking about the sucide of my uncle is really stupid and potentially dangerous.

  8. But i'm still doing it.


  9. I felt like I couldn't request a smaller run or more break days and this is not reflective of Summerhall but of the fringe culture. 

  10. ACCOMMODATION. the flat I wanted which was not fancy or lavish by any means but had a bedroom each for all company members (4) dog friendly (so access friendly) was £7,000 for 3 weeks. 

  11. The one i have cost me £4,929 and has no parking.

  12. I have no money to pay myself or aaron (boyf) who will be away from his work. He owns his own business so he is literally coming at a detriment to himself and his £££.

  13.   I have sold 7 tickets out of 1394

  14. god that last one has depressed me 

  15. . https://festival19.summerhall.co.uk/event/life-is-no-laughing-matter/ book a ticket.

  16. If you have read this and your first thought is “yeah? everyone is in this position” that doesn’t make it right it makes it wrong on a mass level. And it gets more wrong the more marginalised you are. On the (fabulous) fringe of colour database they have 11 QTIPOC shows just ELEVEN!!! That number is so small i had to write out the number, you know?! how will these folks fair well with be cared for at fringe, be safe at fringe, be paid properly at fringe, experience bigotry at fringe? illness at the fringe? violence at fringe? 

  17. .https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/176IK8sTTH0AbJ1j4xDOyRUY-h4vWAX5W4uwno_gPMk4/edit#gid=0   give QTIPOC your money. book tickets.

  18. i don’t want to get ill

  19. Can I afford to take off September to recover?

  20.   absolutely not.